News of this ministry gladdened my heart this morning. Suicide is a terrible blight on our families and so hard to process from a faith perspective. Good to see people acting in response to the Holy Spirit.
Mary, this is one of the best articles I’ve ever read here at The Pillar! Thanks so much for writing this! I lost a law school classmate a little over a year ago to suicide, and I’m grateful that this ministry exists now and I’ll definitely refer anyone I know who is grieving a loved one who was lost to suicide to this new Remember apostolate.
Thanks so much for a wonderful article and news of a very necessary ministry. There is no danger of the deceased being forgotten. In 1991 two of my work colleagues died by suicide in unconnected tragedies. I remember their faces, voices and mannerisms as if they were standing in front of me. Both had multiple difficulties in their lives. It is rarely one overwhelming cause, e.g. only incurable disease or only marriage breakdown. Only one had any kind of religious worldview and that was not very specific. Would a trained religious counsellor have helped either?
This being England, there was nothing consistent about the way their deaths were legally treated. One looked like a very deliberate suicide, but was recorded as an "open verdict". The other was surrounded by far more ambiguous circumstances and yet the coroner recorded bluntly that "X killed herself". It sounded brutal to my ears and I was not family or a close friend. Even back then, British coroners tended to go for a more merciful sounding verdict, such as "open" or "misadventure" or "suicide while the balance of the mind was disturbed".
But careful legal words cannot ease the overwhelming pain and loss and guilt. And the rage. One of my colleagues was furious at the pain one of the dead had caused her husband. It was good to see a more understanding approach to the dead when I am old enough to remember the stigma attached to suicide. And before my time there were any number of stories about suicides being buried outside hallowed ground.
Attempted suicide used to be a criminal offence in England. Now the debate is over assisted suicide, e.g. taking a terminally ill person to Dignitas in Zurich. And whether medically assisted suicide should be allowed in the UK. Scotland has a separate legal system and Scottish politicians went so far as to propose recording such medical killings as natural deaths. So far Catholic voices, including the latest Vatican document Dignitas Infinita, are clearly opposed. Though I fervently wish that our opposition to euthanasia was founded on something more solid than "dignity".
The Marian Sisters, the Pink Sisters, and the School Sisters of Christ the King are absolute jewels in my Diocese. I pray fervently that they (and all of their fellow Religious communities) continue to have an increase in vocations so that the love and charity of their ministries can be experienced by more people far into the future.
God bless you for this article—but especially Sr Kathryn for Remember and the Red Bird folks for their willingness to lend their help. I cried thru the whole article. My grandson, age 21, died by suicide. I can’t recall another trauma more severe than the one my family suffered after Brennan‘s death. If not for my wonderful pastor, I am not sure I would have survived those days. The 2 am phone call 10 years ago is one I cannot ever forget. To this day, when I see a young kid in a baseball cap skateboarding down the street, I see my grandson. Remember is a program every parish should have. I’m going to talk to my pastor about it and hopefully share some materials from Remember with him. We need this!
This would be a welcomed addition to Catholic schools for students, families, and staff. After a 38 year teaching vocation in Catholic high schools, I still carry a heavy sadness in my heart for my students who have died by suicide. Everyone does his/her best to comfort each other in the moment, but often the adults are so involved in assisting the students, that we don't address our own struggles with suffering.
In have been in a few "suicide survivor" online groups (for spouses & partners) since my wife died 7 years ago. It's not just the act itself that messes people up, but almost always there is major trauma long before the end--mental health issues, substance abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, lies etc. Nobody escapes that trauma unscathed, but anecdotally, from what I've seen, professing monotheistic believers fare much better and get back on their feet quicker than atheists, agnostics, spiritualists etc. I see it all the time, but it still blows my mind how many of these women (mostly it's men who kill themselves) turn to mediums for healing. So sad...like sheep without a shepherd. If only people would realize the healing that is available to them through faith in Jesus Christ. May God bless this apostolate!
Thank you for this. God bless all of those who brought Remember to life. May Clare's memory be eternal and may she rest in Christ's peace. And may Sr. Kathryn, Mary, and all who love Clare continue to heal.
I am glad to hear about this new ministry (pausing here to offer a Hail Mary), and I am glad that the Pillar is helping to make it known.
I am reflecting on Kelly Breaux's words about authenticity, and trying out loud to fathom the reason it is so important (I keenly feel its importance, but that is different than comprehending.)
We cannot give what we do not have. The ordinary way in which we acquire consolation to give is through the Cross - through being conformed to Christ in His passion, death, burial, lying-in-the-tomb, and resurrection - which we describe as participation in suffering. While someone may indeed have experienced deep and authentic suffering in living this entire downward-and-upward arc, there is a limit (not for Christ (who, by willing to as God, drank in His humanity the cup of every possible flavor of human suffering - I don't understand how), but for us), in our ability to offer what we have received to console and aid another in their own suffering: have we been wounded with the same wounds in hands and feet or are we standing at the foot of the cross on which hangs the crucified one? With humility we can tell the difference (what this person is tasting is different in kind from what I have tasted) and offer what we are able to offer.
Christ appears to his beloved disciples with these wounds still evident in His glorified body, and for why? They are the means through which we are consoled (and fortified). If, after pain and darkness, we have risen with Him (these words give the impression that it is sudden and complete rather than slow and probably never finished in this life; all of it overlaps and doesn't look like the way He did it) then in the heart of the believer there is a little spring of water welling up, like the origin of Lourdes. Then we are sent to others in some way to offer what we have, which is for them (circa 2 Cor 1:5). This spring is not different from Christ and is tended by spending time with Him in intimate prayer lest we ourselves begin to die of thirst having given it all away.
Thanks for this. A superb reflection. A huge help to families that suffer the loss of a loved one who takes their own life. Here's an article I wrote to remember my brother. https://www.americamagazine.org/issue/we-cannot-give-hope
I lost my best friend over 40 years ago. My friend, Chris, was responsible for turning my life around and putting me back on the path toward God. I was so angry with God for a long time and couldn't understand how God could have allowed such a thing. I slowly came to realize in seeking the answer, that God allowed this for my conversion. Chris's death contributed to my salvation and I pray for him to this day. God allows thinks to happen for a reason just as Clare's death has resulted in the beginnings of this important ministry. God bless this ministry and may it heal many wounded souls.
Bishop John Dolan of Phoenix has had a great deal of personal experience with this issue and it is very important to him. I presume this ministry has been in touch with him, but if not I would urge them to do so. His compassionate leadership would be a blessing.
Did I miss the word “sin” in this? There have been a bunch of suicides in my family, and I understand why the Church has classified suicide as a mortal sin. I understand that mental illnesses and addiction make horrible things happen, but there always is a choice. Having personally dealt with the wreckage on the other side, suicide makes me mad. I have two cousins who are the walking wounded because their dad killed himself and left them to find the horrific sight. I get why he did it, but I can’t help but be mad and how messed up the lives the rest of his family has been for 20+ years because of it. I think we have gone too far to into pathologizing the issue. Yes, mental illness is real, but sin and responsibility can’t be swept under the rug either. It helps no one.
When my daughter died I was able to access a Protestant ministry called Grief Share. It's a very helpful resource for anyone who has lost a loved one, including losing them to suicide. The one drawback to it is that its theology is very simplistic and thin, from a Catholic perspective, but at least they do tie in God's love and seeking Him throughout the materials. A Catholic grief support ministry like Remember would be such a blessing.
News of this ministry gladdened my heart this morning. Suicide is a terrible blight on our families and so hard to process from a faith perspective. Good to see people acting in response to the Holy Spirit.
Mary, this is one of the best articles I’ve ever read here at The Pillar! Thanks so much for writing this! I lost a law school classmate a little over a year ago to suicide, and I’m grateful that this ministry exists now and I’ll definitely refer anyone I know who is grieving a loved one who was lost to suicide to this new Remember apostolate.
Mary,
Thanks so much for a wonderful article and news of a very necessary ministry. There is no danger of the deceased being forgotten. In 1991 two of my work colleagues died by suicide in unconnected tragedies. I remember their faces, voices and mannerisms as if they were standing in front of me. Both had multiple difficulties in their lives. It is rarely one overwhelming cause, e.g. only incurable disease or only marriage breakdown. Only one had any kind of religious worldview and that was not very specific. Would a trained religious counsellor have helped either?
This being England, there was nothing consistent about the way their deaths were legally treated. One looked like a very deliberate suicide, but was recorded as an "open verdict". The other was surrounded by far more ambiguous circumstances and yet the coroner recorded bluntly that "X killed herself". It sounded brutal to my ears and I was not family or a close friend. Even back then, British coroners tended to go for a more merciful sounding verdict, such as "open" or "misadventure" or "suicide while the balance of the mind was disturbed".
But careful legal words cannot ease the overwhelming pain and loss and guilt. And the rage. One of my colleagues was furious at the pain one of the dead had caused her husband. It was good to see a more understanding approach to the dead when I am old enough to remember the stigma attached to suicide. And before my time there were any number of stories about suicides being buried outside hallowed ground.
Attempted suicide used to be a criminal offence in England. Now the debate is over assisted suicide, e.g. taking a terminally ill person to Dignitas in Zurich. And whether medically assisted suicide should be allowed in the UK. Scotland has a separate legal system and Scottish politicians went so far as to propose recording such medical killings as natural deaths. So far Catholic voices, including the latest Vatican document Dignitas Infinita, are clearly opposed. Though I fervently wish that our opposition to euthanasia was founded on something more solid than "dignity".
Thank you so much for writing this article!
The Marian Sisters, the Pink Sisters, and the School Sisters of Christ the King are absolute jewels in my Diocese. I pray fervently that they (and all of their fellow Religious communities) continue to have an increase in vocations so that the love and charity of their ministries can be experienced by more people far into the future.
God bless you for this article—but especially Sr Kathryn for Remember and the Red Bird folks for their willingness to lend their help. I cried thru the whole article. My grandson, age 21, died by suicide. I can’t recall another trauma more severe than the one my family suffered after Brennan‘s death. If not for my wonderful pastor, I am not sure I would have survived those days. The 2 am phone call 10 years ago is one I cannot ever forget. To this day, when I see a young kid in a baseball cap skateboarding down the street, I see my grandson. Remember is a program every parish should have. I’m going to talk to my pastor about it and hopefully share some materials from Remember with him. We need this!
This would be a welcomed addition to Catholic schools for students, families, and staff. After a 38 year teaching vocation in Catholic high schools, I still carry a heavy sadness in my heart for my students who have died by suicide. Everyone does his/her best to comfort each other in the moment, but often the adults are so involved in assisting the students, that we don't address our own struggles with suffering.
In have been in a few "suicide survivor" online groups (for spouses & partners) since my wife died 7 years ago. It's not just the act itself that messes people up, but almost always there is major trauma long before the end--mental health issues, substance abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, lies etc. Nobody escapes that trauma unscathed, but anecdotally, from what I've seen, professing monotheistic believers fare much better and get back on their feet quicker than atheists, agnostics, spiritualists etc. I see it all the time, but it still blows my mind how many of these women (mostly it's men who kill themselves) turn to mediums for healing. So sad...like sheep without a shepherd. If only people would realize the healing that is available to them through faith in Jesus Christ. May God bless this apostolate!
Thank you for this. God bless all of those who brought Remember to life. May Clare's memory be eternal and may she rest in Christ's peace. And may Sr. Kathryn, Mary, and all who love Clare continue to heal.
I am glad to hear about this new ministry (pausing here to offer a Hail Mary), and I am glad that the Pillar is helping to make it known.
I am reflecting on Kelly Breaux's words about authenticity, and trying out loud to fathom the reason it is so important (I keenly feel its importance, but that is different than comprehending.)
We cannot give what we do not have. The ordinary way in which we acquire consolation to give is through the Cross - through being conformed to Christ in His passion, death, burial, lying-in-the-tomb, and resurrection - which we describe as participation in suffering. While someone may indeed have experienced deep and authentic suffering in living this entire downward-and-upward arc, there is a limit (not for Christ (who, by willing to as God, drank in His humanity the cup of every possible flavor of human suffering - I don't understand how), but for us), in our ability to offer what we have received to console and aid another in their own suffering: have we been wounded with the same wounds in hands and feet or are we standing at the foot of the cross on which hangs the crucified one? With humility we can tell the difference (what this person is tasting is different in kind from what I have tasted) and offer what we are able to offer.
Christ appears to his beloved disciples with these wounds still evident in His glorified body, and for why? They are the means through which we are consoled (and fortified). If, after pain and darkness, we have risen with Him (these words give the impression that it is sudden and complete rather than slow and probably never finished in this life; all of it overlaps and doesn't look like the way He did it) then in the heart of the believer there is a little spring of water welling up, like the origin of Lourdes. Then we are sent to others in some way to offer what we have, which is for them (circa 2 Cor 1:5). This spring is not different from Christ and is tended by spending time with Him in intimate prayer lest we ourselves begin to die of thirst having given it all away.
Thanks for this. A superb reflection. A huge help to families that suffer the loss of a loved one who takes their own life. Here's an article I wrote to remember my brother. https://www.americamagazine.org/issue/we-cannot-give-hope
I lost my best friend over 40 years ago. My friend, Chris, was responsible for turning my life around and putting me back on the path toward God. I was so angry with God for a long time and couldn't understand how God could have allowed such a thing. I slowly came to realize in seeking the answer, that God allowed this for my conversion. Chris's death contributed to my salvation and I pray for him to this day. God allows thinks to happen for a reason just as Clare's death has resulted in the beginnings of this important ministry. God bless this ministry and may it heal many wounded souls.
Bishop John Dolan of Phoenix has had a great deal of personal experience with this issue and it is very important to him. I presume this ministry has been in touch with him, but if not I would urge them to do so. His compassionate leadership would be a blessing.
Did I miss the word “sin” in this? There have been a bunch of suicides in my family, and I understand why the Church has classified suicide as a mortal sin. I understand that mental illnesses and addiction make horrible things happen, but there always is a choice. Having personally dealt with the wreckage on the other side, suicide makes me mad. I have two cousins who are the walking wounded because their dad killed himself and left them to find the horrific sight. I get why he did it, but I can’t help but be mad and how messed up the lives the rest of his family has been for 20+ years because of it. I think we have gone too far to into pathologizing the issue. Yes, mental illness is real, but sin and responsibility can’t be swept under the rug either. It helps no one.
When my daughter died I was able to access a Protestant ministry called Grief Share. It's a very helpful resource for anyone who has lost a loved one, including losing them to suicide. The one drawback to it is that its theology is very simplistic and thin, from a Catholic perspective, but at least they do tie in God's love and seeking Him throughout the materials. A Catholic grief support ministry like Remember would be such a blessing.
This is such an important ministry and I'm so glad to know of the Catholic resources available.
This is a beautiful piece of writing.