Pope Leo’s lamest jerseys - A definitive ranking
A sporting guide for the uninitiated
Since he became pope last year, Leo XIV has become the recipient of many gifts, including an increasingly large collection of sports jerseys.
Jerseys can be good gifts. For example, Leo received a Chicago White Sox jersey - his favorite hometown team - with his papal name on it. That’s a very cool gift.
At least, it was a cool gift the first time he got it. By now, he has a few. Maybe he wears one of them when he watches a game once in a while. But he doesn’t need 12 of them.
And that doesn’t mean that every jersey is a good gift for the Roman Pontiff. In fact, many of the ones he has been given are downright absurd, having no connection to the teams (or even sports) the pope follows, and thereby wasting space in a presumably small papal closet.
The Pillar thought it would be nice to compile a list of the worst sports jerseys Pope Leo has received so far. And of course, the editors decided to assign Michelle – the least attuned to the world of sports – to write it.
So here you go. The definitive Pillar countdown of Pope Leo’s lamest sports jerseys.
5. Giro d’Italia
This is an Italian bike race. Bikers wear different colored jerseys, but the leader wears pink for some reason, so that’s the jersey they gave to the pope. You can tell from his face that he’s less than enthusiastic about this gift. And who could blame him? That pink is not in the pope’s color wheel. Not even close.
And since he’s a boomer American priest, he’s probably obligated to insist jokingly to everyone within earshot that it’s “rose, not pink”
4. Philadelphia Flyers
This is a great jersey…if you like losing teams. Leo has not lived in a city with a professional hockey team for quite some time, but if he followed the sport at all, he’d surely cheer for his hometown Chicago Blackhawks. In the last five years, the Flyers have lost more games than they’ve won, and they’ve missed the playoffs 7 of the last 10 years.
The family who gave this to Leo is probably great. And it’s cool they wanted to share their enthusiam. If they’re Pillar readers, we’ll send them some t-shirts.
But still, this jersey would be cooler if it had been handed to Leo by the Flyers’ crazy-looking mascot. Otherwise, it’s a no for me.
3. Chicago Cubs
I had to double check this one. Get this: Chicago has TWO professional baseball teams. In the same city. No idea how that came to be, but it seems greedy and superfluous given how many cities out there would surely be grateful to have a single professional baseball team. Like Denver, for example.
Anyway, apparently there’s a pretty big rivalry between the two teams — though Ed says Cubs fans don’t actually care about the White Sox at all, it’s just the South Siders who are obsessed.
Either way, people have an intense loyalty to one or the other, and not both. Of course, Pope Leo loves the White Sox, so a Cubs jersey seems like a lousy gift, if not an act of provocation. Obviously, it was given as a joke, by another Chicago native bishop and crosstown rival. But still, I bet Leo’s burned it by now.
2. Tennessee Volunteers
A volunteer is a great thing to be. It’s a horrible name for a sports team. Also, this jersey is so unattractive - it looks cheap and the colors are blah. And who wants a jersey for a college sports team they don’t follow? (And let’s be honest, for a league they couldn’t care less about).
And one more thing: If you’re going to get a jersey for a Peyton Manning-team (which these Volunteers apparently are?), it should be for his very best team, the Denver Broncos?
This one was lame.
1. French Bleus
Who knew France had a basketball team? Do the French people know? Do the French players know?
I hate to tell the French president this, but people outside of France definitely do not care about French basketball. And even if France was serious about basketball, I bet it’s best player probably couldn’t even win an NBA championship this year.
Pope Leo is known to play tennis, so that would have been a much stronger option. Or maybe a Tour de France jersey - that’s a cool sporting event (and they don’t wear pink).
But a French basketball jersey is lame. As a gift, it’s just insulting. Straight to the back of the papal closet. Because no one would buy this on ebay. Even from the pope.
Bonus: The world’s tiniest crystal football
It’s not a jersey, but the U.S. State Department’s gift to Pope Leo deserves a special mention.
A crystal football could be a cool gift for the first American pope – a nod to a uniquely American sport is a great reminder of his roots in the US of A.
But for some reason, the State Department decided it was imperative that the football be roughly the size of an egg. Everything about this gift is absurd. The presentation on a tiny but very formal dish. The way Marco Rubio holds the miniature football delicately but awkwardly between his fingers. The way both Rubio and the pope look like they’re about to lose it.
There’s just no way to take this one seriously. In fact, it’s so bad, it’s great.
It really is a shame that Denver lost out on having a professional baseball team.
NOBODY has tried giving the Pontiff a Pillar shirt yet?