11 One day Elisha came and crashed in the room. 12 Then he said to his bro Gehazi, “Dude, call this Shunammite woman.” He did so, and when she got there, 13 he told Gehazi, “Tell 'er, ‘You put yourself out in a gnarly way; how can we repay you, dude? Can we put in a good word for you with the king or the head army himbo?’” She told him, “I'm already living a baller life.”[b] 14 Later Elisha brought it up again, “I really wanna help her, bro.” Gehazi answered, “She doesn't have a son, and her husband is, like, super ancient.” 15 Elisha said, “Get her back here.” Gehazi went and got her, and when she swung around again, 16 Elisha promised, “This time next year you'll have a little man of your own.” She said, “Dude, you're a man of God; but don't B.S. me.” 17 Yet the woman got knocked up, and the same time the next year she had a little bro, just as Elisha had promised; 18 and the kid grew up super ripped and became a killer Gigachad.
You should do a special episode about weird Bible stories we never read in the lectionary (like the she-bear).
Dude-bro Translation
11 One day Elisha came and crashed in the room. 12 Then he said to his bro Gehazi, “Dude, call this Shunammite woman.” He did so, and when she got there, 13 he told Gehazi, “Tell 'er, ‘You put yourself out in a gnarly way; how can we repay you, dude? Can we put in a good word for you with the king or the head army himbo?’” She told him, “I'm already living a baller life.”[b] 14 Later Elisha brought it up again, “I really wanna help her, bro.” Gehazi answered, “She doesn't have a son, and her husband is, like, super ancient.” 15 Elisha said, “Get her back here.” Gehazi went and got her, and when she swung around again, 16 Elisha promised, “This time next year you'll have a little man of your own.” She said, “Dude, you're a man of God; but don't B.S. me.” 17 Yet the woman got knocked up, and the same time the next year she had a little bro, just as Elisha had promised; 18 and the kid grew up super ripped and became a killer Gigachad.
Alternate ending: The little bro grew up and became an Aura Farmer.