Well written re men and dating. I had this very discussion from a previously worldly young man who felt he deserved a pure woman who would be totally submissive. It was almost laughable but he was oh so serious.
Ed, the dismissive attitude with which you present yourself seems almost to border on contempt, and it deeply hurts me and several other well-formed virtuous smart single Catholic men I know IRL who, seeing your X post (and JD’s on respectful punctuality), all mentioned to me similar exasperation at your words - words which, reinforced herein today, show little else than ignorance, sardonic dismissiveness, mischaracterization, contemptuous infantilization, and general disregard for today’s young Catholic men and their plight - a plight which, behind closed doors within the confidence of our closest friends, we share is the cause of a deep spiritual and emotional distress tearing at our inner heart of hearts.
But of course, it seems you know my experience better than I do, thankfully. Or maybe we can one day sit down and have a human encounter and pick each other’s brains - but maybe you don’t have any blind spots, who knows. Pax.
I have a 24-year-old daughter and she has encountered the exact attitude that Ed described in this post from many young men in real life. Not Twitter. At in-person Catholic young adult events. I’m glad you and your community aren’t like this but it is out there, and it damages women immensely.
As someone living it, I think the issues with modern dating have a lot more to do with the death of communities than it does with anything the Twitter commentariat believes about women. It’s really hard to meet people socially, which pushes people towards dating apps, which then enables a small percentage of people to be on their worst behavior and poison everyone’s perception.
There’s also I think a desire to want dating to be easy and immediately gratifying. From a secular angle, it’s really easy to cut someone off and ghost someone if most of the contact is purely digital. Rather than working through a problem, or hearing out a disagreement you can just walk away. From a more Catholic angle, I’ve heard plenty of anecdotes of people treating women in Catholic spaces radically differently depending on if they’re single or not (and not in a ‘I’m going to respect your relationship’ kind of way), which kind of goes to the “you need to respect a woman as a human person before you date her” point that Ed gets at.
Unfortunately, the "digital tantrums" don't just come across as angry but *whiny* which, speaking as a single woman, has to be the least attractive quality in a man. Of course, we ladies also need a collective talking-to at the moment for many reasons because we can be truly awful. My mother still tells me to "offer it up" when I'm being whiny. I think this helpful little phrase sums up the solution outlined by Ed - we all need to be picking up our Cross a lot more and being chronically online a lot less.
Wow. Young Catholic men are in a mess if that’s how they think. If I’d heard any of that from a guy, I’d have left my date and used my “mad money” to get home. (For non-oldies, mad money was cash a girl carried in her shoe or someplace in case she needed to leave and call a taxi pronto. It disappeared about the same time as the hat pins we were all taught to use as defense disappeared). Who is teaching these guys this claptrap?
As a mother whose oldest is now an adult and venturing into the dating world, every piece I read on the Modern Dating Situation (TM) reaffirms my advice him - “son just BE NORMAL and you’ll have no problems.” 😆😆
All these tweeters (literally the first problem they’re tweeting about this) need someone in their lives telling them JUST BE NORMAL. Get coffee and talk about movies and board games and Tolkien and favorite books and favorite saints. Be. Normal. (Note: I mean catholic normal. It’s a sub niche lol )
Ed, your excellent refutation of the online boys’ bad behavior is partly why I’m not only a subscriber, but a subscriber who has upped her subscription and kept it that way. You are not afraid to speak the truth. Keep doing it. I’ll keep paying gladly.
True masculinity should be modeled after Jesus, yes, indeed!
Amen.
Well written re men and dating. I had this very discussion from a previously worldly young man who felt he deserved a pure woman who would be totally submissive. It was almost laughable but he was oh so serious.
Ed, the dismissive attitude with which you present yourself seems almost to border on contempt, and it deeply hurts me and several other well-formed virtuous smart single Catholic men I know IRL who, seeing your X post (and JD’s on respectful punctuality), all mentioned to me similar exasperation at your words - words which, reinforced herein today, show little else than ignorance, sardonic dismissiveness, mischaracterization, contemptuous infantilization, and general disregard for today’s young Catholic men and their plight - a plight which, behind closed doors within the confidence of our closest friends, we share is the cause of a deep spiritual and emotional distress tearing at our inner heart of hearts.
But of course, it seems you know my experience better than I do, thankfully. Or maybe we can one day sit down and have a human encounter and pick each other’s brains - but maybe you don’t have any blind spots, who knows. Pax.
I have a 24-year-old daughter and she has encountered the exact attitude that Ed described in this post from many young men in real life. Not Twitter. At in-person Catholic young adult events. I’m glad you and your community aren’t like this but it is out there, and it damages women immensely.
As someone living it, I think the issues with modern dating have a lot more to do with the death of communities than it does with anything the Twitter commentariat believes about women. It’s really hard to meet people socially, which pushes people towards dating apps, which then enables a small percentage of people to be on their worst behavior and poison everyone’s perception.
There’s also I think a desire to want dating to be easy and immediately gratifying. From a secular angle, it’s really easy to cut someone off and ghost someone if most of the contact is purely digital. Rather than working through a problem, or hearing out a disagreement you can just walk away. From a more Catholic angle, I’ve heard plenty of anecdotes of people treating women in Catholic spaces radically differently depending on if they’re single or not (and not in a ‘I’m going to respect your relationship’ kind of way), which kind of goes to the “you need to respect a woman as a human person before you date her” point that Ed gets at.
In short, it sucks for everyone, Ed is right.
Unfortunately, the "digital tantrums" don't just come across as angry but *whiny* which, speaking as a single woman, has to be the least attractive quality in a man. Of course, we ladies also need a collective talking-to at the moment for many reasons because we can be truly awful. My mother still tells me to "offer it up" when I'm being whiny. I think this helpful little phrase sums up the solution outlined by Ed - we all need to be picking up our Cross a lot more and being chronically online a lot less.
Wow. Young Catholic men are in a mess if that’s how they think. If I’d heard any of that from a guy, I’d have left my date and used my “mad money” to get home. (For non-oldies, mad money was cash a girl carried in her shoe or someplace in case she needed to leave and call a taxi pronto. It disappeared about the same time as the hat pins we were all taught to use as defense disappeared). Who is teaching these guys this claptrap?
As a mother whose oldest is now an adult and venturing into the dating world, every piece I read on the Modern Dating Situation (TM) reaffirms my advice him - “son just BE NORMAL and you’ll have no problems.” 😆😆
All these tweeters (literally the first problem they’re tweeting about this) need someone in their lives telling them JUST BE NORMAL. Get coffee and talk about movies and board games and Tolkien and favorite books and favorite saints. Be. Normal. (Note: I mean catholic normal. It’s a sub niche lol )
Ed, your excellent refutation of the online boys’ bad behavior is partly why I’m not only a subscriber, but a subscriber who has upped her subscription and kept it that way. You are not afraid to speak the truth. Keep doing it. I’ll keep paying gladly.
True masculinity should be modeled after Jesus, yes, indeed!